Dating app exhaustion is the new emotional burnout for singles... these pros are here to help you through it
Dating is impossible these days and especially in New York. In one of the biggest cities in the world, containing about 9 million people, one would think that the options might be endless. But it seems like us singles are facing something called the ‘Paradox of choice’. Meaning that we log onto a dating app and we are faced with so many options that we often feel overwhelmed. It's like information overload.
Dating app downloads and usage are decreasing. In 2023 Axious surveyed 1000 United states college and graduate students and found that 79 percent do not use any dating apps which is widely different from 2019 when 50 percent of 18-29 year olds reported using them to meet other singles.
Despite its large young population, New York City can be pretty lonely and quite isolating. Meeting someone worth getting to know is hard and can be extremely exhausting. I've heard of friends going to singles events, joining pickleball leagues or running clubs, and speed dating to meet their match. We as a young generation have strayed away from dating solely on the apps and looked into various methods of meeting people in person.
There are some singles who are even turning to outside sources to help them find love. I had the pleasure of speaking with Gina Yannotta, the COO of Maclynn International which is an elite matchmaking agency that works with clients out of New York City, Los Angeles, and London. Yannotta understands that values are what drives people in life and works with her clients one on one to create a customized compatibility profile that will make finding love more efficient.
Her clients either don't have the time or they don't want to invest the time in dating. They would essentially prefer to hire an expert to help them reach their goal faster. She believes it is very similar to hiring a personal trainer.
Yannotta asks all her clients one simple question after they describe their ideal partner. Do you think this person exists? And oftentimes the person reflects back and says no. “It is about managing expectations,” she explains. For example, many women feel the need to date a man who is over six feet tall but may be overlooking their perfect match due to superficial preferences.
It is interesting to look at how the media has influenced our unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. Romantic comedies are making single people feel like they need to be swept off their feet and that they can put little to no effort into finding their soulmate but that couldn't be further from the truth. We actually have to put effort into connecting with people like never before.
“The dating scene has changed so much in New York because less people are having conversations with strangers,” Yannotta states disparagingly. It is not as easy to connect with those around us as it once was because of our smartphones. Not only is technology forming new ways to date but it also serves as a mental blockage from actually getting to know the person standing right in front of us.
Megan Weks creator of The Man Funnel Method, believes that we are giving up too quickly and that it is extremely important to date with intention in New York City. Many single women are seeking her advice as they continue to strike out in the dating scene. She told me that through her method she teaches Women how to give Men dopamine which is how they fall in love and eventually commit.
“People are sort of giving up on dating and pointing fingers at the other sex or the dating climate or because our world is so effed up right now,” Weks told me in a phone interview as she explains that she has been seeing a trend of app exhaustion due to this ‘Paradox of choice’
And now there are so many niche dating apps out there that it is getting confusing for the everyday consumer. Both Yannotta and Weks mentioned how the dating app climate is getting way too specific, mentioning apps and websites like farmers only or dating apps for dog lovers.
Individuals looking for love in New York City have been scoping out social events exclusively for singles. I chatted with Maxime Williams who created We Met IRL in 2022 which is a network that connects singles all throughout the boroughs by hosting various events in New York.
“Lots of dating apps are losing a lot of money and noticing a decline in usership, especially amongst Gen Z and millennials,” Williams told me as she explained her reasoning in starting We Met IRL.
“Since hosting my first event in 2022, I’ve noticed a lot more speed dating and Irl focused events popping up, especially in New York City. People are craving authentic connections, and spaces that are fostering that,” Williams exclaimed.
She told me about the gatherings she has organized for the past couple of years and how people in the Tri-state area can get involved.
“We host singles events, social mixers, and gatherings for 25 to 35-year-olds in New York City, with diversity in mind. Our mission is to create environments that encourage romantic or platonic connections off-line, and we do this by facilitating safe spaces for meaningful conversations, social interactions, and good times! We typically host the events on Tuesdays and we have partnerships with multiple bars in New York and Brooklyn. If you’re interested in attending, you have to fill out our intake form on our website or linked in our Instagram bio,” Williams said enthusiastically.
It is clear that the paradox of choice when it comes to dating in a huge city like New York is leading to app dating burnout and people are investing money in Matchmakers and dating experts to help them through rough waters.
There is an immense amount of pressure these days for single people. Currently, 47% of Americans feel stressed about their love lives and those who are not married are more stressed than those who are. But there is no need to feel discouraged. Although studies have shown that dating may be harder than it was 10 years ago, the answer is not hiding in our iphones. In order to connect we have to unplug and date with intention.